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Daily Dosage - July 30, 2008

Daily Diarrhea

Minnesota put Mark Parrish on waivers with the intention of buying him out.  We'd say this is pretty silly, they just signed 36 year old Owen Nolan for $2.75M per and then decide that they need to clear 31 year old Parrish's $2.65M per off the books to get under the cap.  He should clear waivers and then we think he'll become a hot commodity.  This guy was pretty much a lock for around 25 goals until he got to Minny (not too many guys score 25 under Lemaire).  Who knows where he'll end up... some speculation about LA, but they had him before Minny and Lombardi let him walk as a UFA, so can't imagine they'll bring him back.  We'll start a few rumours with possible destinations that make sense... Columbus and Vancouver need some scoring help, Nashville is looking weak on RW without Radulov, Carolina to be re-united with Laviolette (his coach during his best years), NYI cause he played with Garth Snow and, of course, Tampa Bay cause they have pretty much signed every other forward that was available.

Ottawa's RFA Antoine Vermette has his arbitration hearing set for tomorrow.  Not surprised he's holding out for arbitration cause this guy is about to cash in.  We're not even a big fan of this guy but when it comes to arbitration, the team can call you all kinds of bad names and say how crappy you are but you've got the combined idiocy of the leagues owners and GMs on your side.  If I'm Vermette, here's how I play it:

I show up to the hearing about 15 minutes late, dressed in flip-flops and board shorts, no shirt... I tell my agent to go home, his services won't be necessary today... I'm sure at this point Ottawa GM Bryan Murray is equal parts pissed and confused, then I pull out a bucket of KFC and polish that off right in front of everyone, just so they can get a glimpse of my off-season program.  The hearing starts and Murray will jump into a tirade about how I'm the worst player in the league, I've got the hockey sense of a spatula, I skate like Brad Marsh and there's more holes in my game than a Tim Hortons.  The whole time, my face doesn't change, big grin like I'm in the middle of taking a giant dump.  Then the arbitrator turns to me, I look at Bryan Murray and say "Are you done slurring your way through that sermon Mrs. Murray?"  That should send Murray right off the deep end.  Then I wait a few minutes just to build the anticipation and then I reach into my pocket, pull out a cocktail napkin, wipe the chicken grease from my mouth, throw the napkin in Bryan Murray's face and then walk out of the room.  Murray reaches down, unfolds the napkin and it says "Dustin Penner".  Murray swallows hard, he knows he's been defeated... my numbers easily compare to Penner's and he's making $4.25 million per season...

Penner, age 25, 183 career games, 92 points over the past 2 seasons, went to cup finals in 2007.

Vermette, age 26, 297 career games, 92 points over the past 2 seasons, went to cup finals in 2007.   

In other arbitration news, Nashville RFA Ville Koistinen was awarded a one year, $700K contract by an arbitrator.  He must have the worst representation in the world cause if Jeff Finger can get $3.5 million per season for 24 points in 94 career games then you think he could do better than a few thousand over the league minimum for 17 points in 48 career games.  We like this guy but Nashville has a young defense core and not sure how its going to shake out, but watch out for this guy if starts to get ice time.

Detroit resigned RFA Valtteri Filppula to a 5-year, $15M contract.  Good signing for Detroit cause by the end of the contract this guy is going to be a bargain... we expect him to breakout in the next season or two.

Distraction of the Day

What's distracting us today... further developments in the Ryan O'Byrne investigation, the charges have been dropped?  What?, that's it???  This was one of our favourite stories from last season.  So O'Byrne, a rookie with Montreal, is out at a bar in Tampa Bay with Tom Kostopolous and proceeds to leave the bar with a purse.  Someone inside reports a purse stolen, the cops grab O'Bryne, who's still holding the purse, and say (actor portrayal), "Hey dude, nice purse" to which he says, "Its not mine, its my girlfriends"... the cops say "She's not your girlfriend, you ain't got no girlfriend" and put him in cuffs.  Then apparently Kostopolous goes apeshit and starts assaulting the cops, so they both end up in jail.  So this leads us to ponder...

1) Why was he stealing some chicks purse?  Insert your favourite joke here.

2)  How stupid is he that he ended up getting caught?  Did he think that the police aren't going to notice a 6'5" dude walking down the street with a handbag?

3) How great is it that there's an NHL player who's a purse snatcher on the side?  We're taking a vow to never let him live this one down, cause some people do stupid stuff that should never be forgotten.